Local 16: Think Globally, Act Like a Tool

I was a little worried about doing another happy hour so soon after the KegBus. Four-day hangovers have been known to happen. But all fears aside, we had a pretty good turnout for a low-key, lazy happy hour at Local 16. The rain stayed away long enough for us to lounge on the rooftop deck. Unfortunately, 100 "Go Green" crazed vegan hippies had the same idea. Fortunately, this provided most of the evening's entertainment.

Let me back up and explain. I have no problem with the "go green" efforts. I like to think I do my part for Mother Earth. I also respect vegans and hippies for their contributions to environmental policy, heavy duty grocery bags and jam music. But at this week's happy hour, there was a special event called "Live Green" which brought together an interesting mix of people whose main goal for the evening was apparently being as forceful as possible with their beliefs. The event was hosted as a happy one-year party to the organization Live Green. Members got drink specials and non-members were invited to join for a modest fee (more on that later). That's fine. But those attending the event had to a) wear name tags indicating their anti-green effort vices and b) intrude on strangers' conversations and force them to talk about what they were doing/not doing to save the environment.

The name tags were priceless. They all said "I live green but..." and you were supposed to fill in something bad you did for the environment. Examples included "I drive a hummer," "I take long hot showers," and "I eat red meat." True story: three different women had name tags saying "I leave the lights on for my cats." One admitted it was because her cats are afraid of the dark. I did not talk to the other two. I don't like cat people. But the more annoying part was that the Live Green attendees were encouraged to interject into strangers' conversations at every turn. I can't count how many times this happened. Sometimes there was a reward for talking to them, like free yoga passes or an invite to a Mother Earth ball the next night in Northeast DC (nope). But other times it was just people trying to get you to talk about how awful you were at recycling and such. In retrospect, I really wish I'd just said, "Hi, I'm Brandon. I work for a law firm that represents Big Oil and I like to take meat baths." That would have cleared them out for sure.

Ok, enough complaining. The green event died down, and a group of us stayed behind to watch the UVA v. Arkansas college baseball game and laugh about our various interactions with the hippies who just left. The prize for best story goes to Max, who was invited to attend a Go Green Date Auction as an eligible bachelor. The irony here is that in doing so, he will surely contribute to the Go Green efforts because none of the girls there will expend any energy bidding on him. Zing! Worst night goes to Matt, who was suckered into paying $15 to Live Green, thinking it was a cover charge to get into the bar. Once inside, he started feeling piquish, couldn't drink any beer, and left very early in the evening stating he just wasn't feeling right. I then got a text from him at 9:30 saying "Driving to the ER, condition worsening." Fast forward to 11:30, text from him: "Getting an IV for just the second time in my life." I'm happy to report he's doing fine now, but the mystery behind this illness remains. My theory is he suffered a severe allergic reaction due to overexposure to hippies and leftist beliefs. UPDATE: Matt reports: "because the green hippies shook me down for all my cash, at 4 am when I left the Georgetown Hospital parking garage, I didn't have $6 to give the attendant, who wouldn't take a card. He forced me to walk back into the hospital (in the pouring rain), locate the ATM (which took at least 10-15 minutes), and then come back and pay him ... I gave him a $20 without saying anything, he returned two 5s and $4 in quarters. Let's just say I wasn't in a good mood."

A handful of us stayed to watch the stupid baseball game go into 12 innings only to have UVA lose. During that time, we were approached by 2 girls who: a) were still in college, b) were sophomores in college, c) claimed to be goddesses who knew the secret to making fried chicken, and d) swore they were not at Local 16 for the Live Green event. This may be true, but it was clear to me something green had played a significant role in their night's plans. They disappeared for a bit, only to re-emerge in an unlikely fashion -- tap dancing into the men's room while James and Greg were using the facilities. They waved, then tap danced on out of there in search of who knows what (my guess? Munchies).

All in all interesting night at a bar that is always a favorite of mine. We've reached our halfway point, and I'm really pleased with how this has been going. I hope to keep seeing the regulars out and that we can rope in some newbies as well.

All-star of the evening: Tom Perez-Lopez, who put in a good two hours talking to a cute vegan with great calves, even talking to her steady stream of over-aggressive male friends in tweed jackets, only to have her say goodbye without so much of a kiss on the cheek or exchange of digits. Poor guy. He even refrained from eating his $12 hamburger in front of her to avoid disgusting her. In other news, thanks for the burger Tom!